A Brutal Battle with the Turd Demon known as Writer's Block (12-10-2009)

 What to do, what to do. It's so strange: It feels like the safe is full to capacity, but every time I open it up, it's empty. You can feel it pressing against the door, but if you try to see it, to creak the seal open to set it free, it disappears. 

Maybe it's a question of mass. Maybe it's actually so big I CAN'T see it. The usual mode of operation was just a casual glance - "checking in, anything to contribute?" - and either it would deliver or not. But now the genesis has become so huge that these intermittent little spurts no longer do the trick. The great big black beast has coagulated and become too unweildly to just be let out in chunks. 

I can see it, too. It's got a hundred eyes, and it's dark and black and brown, but it's harmless. It doesn't even have teeth. It could be left alone or freed, it's indifferent to its own fate, I just know that if I don't let it out it'll gestate into an ulcer and probably stomach cancer. A turd never WANTS to leave the colon, does it? But the body Knows What It Needs. Well, my brain has a turd. A great big beautiful turd of creation. But this is a confrontation of the fact that if I don't start making real TIME for Making Stuff, the turds just gather. 

I USED to work just on speed-blinding ecstasy, and what they call "inspiration". Well, now I don't. Cry over it, or build the discipline. At least with Developing A Habit it's under MY control, not The Vapors' and Spirits', so that's one advantage. 

Before, the turds would jump, LEAP from me like Jenga logs tumbling down my arms out my fingertips. "Well," said the Good Lord, "I gave you a TASTE of what you're capable of, but I'm not going to leave the faucet on for you for the REST of your LIFE! Do it yourself, wimp!" Great. So now I'm addicted to playing Writer-God. And my only options are relax and live and die a stress-free happy life, or get stressed and live an ecstatic, beautiful, happy life. My life's too short for emo poems, have you heard? No rabbit pellets coming now. We have a dump of staggering proportions on the Colonic Waiting List.